In 2013, in lieu of a resolution to do a thing, or quit doing a thing (thus replacing my standard resolution to floss more, which I finally successfully accomplished in 2012 with daily flossing), I resolved to discover 10 new things about myself. Here’s the list of what I’ve learned; they vary in depth of character.
- I strongly dislike French Vanilla coffee. I really only started drinking coffee in 2011, and had thought I would enjoy this, but finally decided after one final cup of this particular flavor that it had a weird aftertaste and I just didn’t enjoy it. I can also add Italian roast to this list, but am not counting that as a separate thing.
- I’m an emotional reflecting pool. I’ve known for a while that I’m easily influenced by the emotions of those around me; I cry at movies so easily and will often pick up other people’s phobias for no discernible reasons. Maternity leave was the worst part of my life because I was suffering post-partum depression, and didn’t have contact with other grown-ups other than my exhausted husband (who was in a constant state of worry because of my PPD). What I didn’t realize until just recently is that all of these things are tied into the fact that I don’t have a lot of emotional fortitude as an individual. That’s not a fun thing to realize about yourself, and I don’t quite know how to go about improving it (especially since I can’t go back in time and change my birthdate so I’m not a moon-child Cancer).
- People requesting that I “be serious” annoy my just as much as people who tell me to smile more. And one of the reasons I joke and laugh so much? Is because my face defaults to a downward turned mouth. And if I don’t joke and laugh I look ticked off and mad, and then people tell me to smile more. Mind your own business - it’s my face.
- While I get aggravated by people thinking I’m mad at them solely based on my facial expressions (or lack thereof, see #3), it’s sort of flattering. I’m 98% of the time not even thinking about anyone else enough to be mad at them, but clearly they are thinking of me enough to try to figure out my feelings about them.
- I sleep a thousand times better if I limit myself to two caffeinated beverages a day. One of those is my daily cup of coffee, and the other might be a Coke. Some days I only have the one coffee since I’m trying to avoid keeping Coke in the house now so I won’t drink so much.
- Nutella is FRICKING AWESOME and why didn’t I try it before now? I wasted 39 years being Nutella-free.
- I may never get a “runner’s high” but at least I know I can get into a groove and jog along mindlessly without checking the time to see how long I’ve been running and how much further I have to go.
- I may never run *a* 5k, but I can run 5k. And I can beat a wiener dog doing it.
- I’m okay with being a “treadmill runner”. I’m running not because I’m a Runner, but because it’s the most efficient and cheapest method for me to exercise regularly.
- I have a fear of getting too deeply involved in things. This mostly applies to groups of people (the PTA at school, my quilt guild, work, etc.) rather than hobbies (like quilting, which I am clearly ALL IN). I will dive into A Thing head first and volunteer left and right to take on new things to help out the group, but will eventually feel the need to run away before I either let the group down or they decide I’m not needed/worthy and they cut me loose. Note that the second thing has not yet happened since I’ve been an adult, as the first time that happened was in middle school with a group of “friends” and the last time was in college with another “friend” (quotes intentional on both cases). Apparently I’ve been very good at cutting ties, and I can feel the tug to cut and run in a couple areas in my life right now. So far I’m resisting and sticking with it.
I really like the point that you make about being a reflecting pool. I started working from home when I had my third child. I was a teacher and LOVED being in the classroom. Now, I teach from home. It is so isolating and really, the lack of adult voices can make me a little crazed. I really like that you say that quilting and guilds make your more stable. I just wish that I could quilt as much as you do.
Oh…and the Hubbie is a Cancer too, and I agree. Totally emotional.